overcoming hurt

how do you get over a pain so you can also get on with your life, move on, recover? to forgive is easy but it's NEVER easy to forget right? when you haven't forgotten does that mean you're still hurting?

im in a stage in my life where past hurts are slowly turning me to a cynical, bitter, lonely person. i may show a happy facade but inside im slowly dying. pag mag-isa ko sa bahay bigla na lang ako iiyak ng walang kaabog-abog. feeling ko nga minsan masyado na kong nagiging drama princess.

can you blame me then if i start to hate and blame the people who have hurt me for turning me into this person. read this artik: http://peyups.com/article.khtml?sid=3673
ganda. naka-relate ako.

coz im falling under.....

i've been reading the wittiest, funniest and most insightful writings in peyups.com (and most of the articles there reflect my somber mood)......see the sampling below and you'll know what i mean

[The Day He Left - by mindgames]
"I yearn to be free from paranoia, and for whatever caused him to leave me. I yearn to be a vagabond yet I built all these defenses around me and stayed inside as if it were my house, so he could not get through me. I built these sea walls around me to keep at bay the sadnesses of life. But one of the most difficult problems I had is to construct these barriers of such a height and strength that I have a true harbour, a sanctuary away from crippling turmoil and pain. I didn't build it low enough, and permeable enough, to let in fresh seawater that will fend off my inevitable inclination towards brackishness. "

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[Ang Huling Araw - nSeNsiTiV]
"Kung tatanungin ako ng Diyos kung gaano kita minahal, ang isasagot ko, 10 beses na higit pa sa nararapat. Minahal kita hindi dahil pakiramdam ko lang tama, pero dahil ginusto ko yung naramdaman ko at walang kung ano pa man."

"Itinapon ko na rin ang lahat ng kasinungalingang sinabi mo na ang masakit ay pinaniwalaan ko. Nang sinabi mong importante ako sa yo at hindi mo kayang wala ako, kagaguhan lang yon. Siguro napilitan ka lang sabihin yon, o di kaya, sinadya mo para paasahin ako.Ngayon, lahat ng binitawan mong salita, wala ng halaga."

"Ngayon na ang huling beses na sasabihin ko ito sa yo. Ngayon na ang huling pagkakataon na iisipin kita. Lahat ng bagay na dumaan, burado na. Pati buhay ko, bago na. Ngayon na ang huling oras na mamahalin kita. Ngayon na ang tamang oras para sa lahat, para malaman mo kung gaano mo ako sinaktan. Tapos na yon lahat ngayon. Ito na ang huling araw ng paghihirap...Tama na, tapos na. Pero sa huling araw na ito, isa lang ang sigurado ako.
Hindi ito ang huling araw na sinabi ko lahat to."

wise women

im not really a fan of tv nor movie quotes but i do use and apply to my life those that make sense. so i was pleasantly surprised when an officemate sent a spam email about sex and the city quotes. these caught my attention:

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
ME: so true...sabi nga ni shy "pare kelan ba nagkamali instinct ko ha? kelan pa?!?"

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
ME: i tried this and believe me it causes not just stress but a load of headaches. if you wanna get the effect of a brain freeze go and buy yourself the biggest slurpee size you can get your hands on. sa tingin ko mas ok pa yun.

Don't force an attraction.
ME: couldn't agree more. kung di ukol eh hindi bubukol.

Don't settle.
ME: meaning kahit end of the world na or even if you're already over 40 this should not be an
option. EVER!

You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
ME: try and try until you die to put it mildly hehehe

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
ME: you'll create a monster in the process. Im saying this based on experience!

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
ME: if he was more than a man he wouldnt need a woman by his side duh bah? even joseph
(Jesus' father) had Mary on her side.

Actions speak louder than words.
ME: this is going to be one of my golden rules from now on! guys most of the time say one
thing and then do something completely different so sistahs, use this as your guideline!

When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
ME: ff-up toh nung statement above and all i can say is: this is soooo reliable.

Never let a man define who you are.
ME: been here, done this and believe you me, if you get yourself in this situation, you end up feeling so insecure you cant even decide what you want for yourself anymore.

Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
ME: NEVER as in NEVER. mas madalang pa sa patak ng ulan ang compliments that come from men. parang ikamamatay nila ang pagbibigay ng compliment. besides happiness and fulfillment should come from within you not from other people.

Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
ME: *sigh* so true. how many times ko na ba narinig toh and the men who said i love you to me
often ended up hurting me even more.

To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
ME: meaning matuto ng leksyon. fool me once shame on you. fool me twice shame on me! an old (or rather wise) cat can learn new tricks.

Love is a verb ...
ME: two-way street itoh, give and take. hindi puro give at lalong hindi rin puro take.

Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
ME: if you do, you're basically a helpless gullible prey to your man. trust him, YES but do not
overtrust.

Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
ME: AMEN to that! dapat lang naman duh bah?!?

When it's time to let go; let go.
ME: tsk tsk.....sad but true

hay no wonder i love STC so much. when im 40-ish imma make it a point to be like the STC girls. they kick butt and still get to break hearts of men who deserve it. mental note: lay of the carbo so i can be half as stunning as they are when im at that age.